what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
