hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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