did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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