just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
