guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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