fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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