if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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