Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
