dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
