There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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