Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
