Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
