you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
