i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
