Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
