i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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