I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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