How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
