he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
