Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
