i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
