please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
