So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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