his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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