OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
