I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
