thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
