Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
