So drunk its hurt
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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