Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
