She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
