my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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