i don't like sucking hair
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Did I show you my penis last night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
