No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
