she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
