mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
