We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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