Don't make out with my wife yet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you made out with another girl for some wings
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
