She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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