Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
