Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize