I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
