i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
