I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
