oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
