so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
