I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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