Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
