She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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