Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
