I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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