I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
