ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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