i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
