yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
