If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
