thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
