clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
