:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
