Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize