eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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