I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize