Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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