just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
