Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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