hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize