On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
