So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
