I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
