The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize