Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
