some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
